do you hate me?
you haven't texted me since monday. i'm worried about you. i can't describe the feeling. it's like my stomach is empty, sinking towards the bottom of my feet, but also full, ready to burst to make a painting of grotesque ruby red and vomit-colored green. i keep leaving you voicemails in hopes that you'll respond. i shouldn't admit this, but i'm stressed out now. i just want to hear from you. all i want is to be able to hold you and tell you it'll be okay. i know it's tough right now - but if you've taught me anything, it's that you can do hard things. we can do hard things.
but i wish you didn't shut me out. i don't know if i did anything wrong. but i'm sorry. this isn't a suicide note like last time. it's a rant. fun fact - if you write a suicide note and tell them at the hospital you wrote one, joking that it's just something you do every friday night, the doctor looks at you like you're helpless. another fun fact, the doctor asked me why i was in the hospital that night, i said, i tried to kill myself. she said, oh, how's your night going? i said, not good, considering i tried to kill myself. i thought it was pretty funny. she didn't.
text me. call me. write me. i don't care. send me a sign. a message. i love you. be safe.