I Don't Like Labels Either, But...
NOTE: i am not trying to point fingers at anyone, nor accuse anyone of anything, rather, i am simply trying to state my feelings as a transsexual woman. also, this isn't an essay - more of a blog post.
Recently, I’ve read Absurd Pirate’s blog post, i don’t like labels, in which they lament about how labels are essentially meaningless and cannot describe the many nuances that come along with human sexuality. If, for example, you asked straight men if they were attracted to a trans woman, they’d say yes. However, if you then inform him that she’s a trans woman (with or without a penis), their answer will most likely change.
I’m also reading Imogen Binnie’s novel Nevada for the first time. There’s a section pretty early on in the book where Maria, the main character, notes how, for most trans men, it’s pretty chic to have a sort of genderqueer, punk-rock outlook on their identities as men; however, for trans women, it’s less chic, more quietly talked about in close friends dingy living rooms after a few bottles of wine.
It’s interesting to me. While I don’t disagree with Absurd Pirate’s blog, I do think there is also some nuance to be had in the discussion of disliking labels - that is to say, it is a privilege. As a trans woman, I have never had the privilege of saying I don’t care about labels. To deny the label of trans woman is to deny my identity as a woman, just as to deny the label of transsexual is to deny my lived experience as someone who has taken hormones for the better part of three-to-four years now, as a person who has lived as someone who’s visibly trans, so on and so forth.
Often, trans women have labels (whether they are accurate or not) pushed onto us by both cis queer and cis het individuals. Take, for example, the more obvious right-wing powerhouses calling us ‘predators’ and ‘pedophiles’ for wanting to pee in the bathroom that aligns with our gender identity, or take how so frequently trans women are assigned to categories: pre-op or post-op, passing or not passing, etcetera. Even other trans women and men push labels onto us without our knowledge or consent.
Whether we like it or not, our gender is informed by our lived experiences. Before I transitioned at 12/13, I was a young, effeminate boy. I will always carry a part of him with me, just as I will carry my sexual assault with me. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, believe that we should be allowed to discuss how being sexually assaulted impacts our gender presentation and, to some extent, our identity, and I believe that too about being read as an effeminate boy as a young child. Of course, not everyone will react similarly to these instances - one effeminate young boy may fully be a masculine gay man now, or a nonbinary femme drag queen, or a gay guy who works in finance.
Just as human sexuality is nuanced and can’t often be accurately described by labels such as ‘bisexual’ or ‘pansexual’, and these identities often overlap and conflict with each other, transness too is a nuanced topic that deserves the same love, care, respect, and space that discussions about sexuality receive.
We should be allowed to have these conversations.